Leaving the Mom Guilt at Home When You Get Away
Posted in Sharing on February 23, 2011
Mom guilt. If you are a mom, you know what I am talking about. You may never be plagued by mom guilt or you may feel guilty constantly. I am here to tell you that the best thing to do when you travel without your family is to leave the mom guilt at home.
I don’t travel without my family very often and my husband and I travel together without the kids even less. We wouldn’t be Two Kids and a Map if I left them at home all the time! My husband and I have taken a few weekend getaways and recently we took our anniversary trip to Hawaii. Occasionally, I am able to get away either on my own or with friends. Those solo and girlfriend getaways are just as important as the romantic getaways with my husband.
When my oldest child was barely out of the womb, I had a lot of post partum issues that I was dealing with. My son’s pediatrician looked me in the eye and said that if mom wasn’t a happy mom, baby wouldn’t be a happy baby. For some reason, that piece of advice has stuck with me even six years later.
As I prepare to leave my family at home, I know that getting away will be good for me. It will help me relax so I can come back and be a productive member of my family. I make sure they know I love them, occasionally I make a casserole to stick in the freezer, and I dole out lots of hugs and kisses. Then, I carry my suitcase to the car and hit the road. I don’t feel guilty about leaving them for a few days. I don’t worry about how my husband, grandma, or friend will handle the kids whil I am gone because I know they are perfectly capable.
While I am gone, I make those goodnight phone calls and sometimes we will skype. Other than that, I enjoy my trip and all that it has to offer. I come back home refreshed, rejuvinated and ready to conquer the next task in my family life!
How do you feel about leaving the family at home and traveling solo?
We very much subscribe to the “if mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” philosophy around here (and daddy too!) I enjoy getting away and rarely feel guilty about it, but I struggle with worrying about burdening my husband, grandparents, etc. and wonder if all will go ok. There was a time back when I worked that I struggled with whether or not to leave a particular job because I felt like I was abandoning them. Someone advised me that everyone is replaceable. While I certainly don’t believe a mom is replaceable indefinitely, for a few days I know I am.
A while back I started taking Saturdays ‘off.’ I leave early in the morning and often don’t come home until dinner time. I take my camera, my music, my laptop, a book, and spend the day decompressing. It helps me relax, and it gives my son and husband some much needed together time.
I did feel guilty at first, taking so much time just for me. But, when my menfolk seemed to benefit from it as much as I did, the guilt disappeared.
One thing that has helped me is knowing exactly how much time I can be away without feeling guilty/worried. At this point, four nights is the most I can be away from my daughter and still feel ok about it. I just make sure my “grown-ups only” trips are the right length…long enough to feel like I’ve had a break, but not so long that I miss my daughter terribly!
Thanks for the comments everyone! Sarah-so true about knowing what length of time works for you! Tara – I am a little jealous that you get every Saturday…this is something I might have to institute when my kids are a little older! Arrows – I know what you mean about being replaceable! My mom used to say that just because they don’t do it your way (with taking care of the kids), doesn’t mean that it is a wrong way!
I’ve been searching for “traveling without your spouse guilt” and everything I’ve found is about the mom traveling. What about the dads? I have an opportunity to travel to visit family and my wife can’t go (not enough vacation days) but I feel guilty about going. It’s not just moms who feel guilt like this.
Jon – This is so true! My husband travels on his own too for both work and vacation sometimes. I know he has mentioned feeling guilty about leaving all of us at home (especially when he went to Brazil without me…ugh!). I will have to talk him into a guest post I think!